my baby is gone

my 3 year old cat suddenly passed away two days ago. he was my most special boy and i don’t know how to navigate this loss. he has been sick the last couple of days but i didn’t understand what i was looking at. as soon as i realized he was sick i went to the vet as soon as it opened the next morning. he spent the night there last night and this morning they said he was good to go. he seemed so much more like himself when i picked him up. he was alert and starting being his talkative self again. the last few days he had just been very reserved and kept to himself, and now i know that’s because he was trying to hide he was so sick. maybe he didn’t want me to worry. i went to work that night because he seemed good and when i got home after my shift he was gone. the moment i saw him i knew. i hate that i missed that he was so sick until it was too late. i think i did everything i could’ve and the best with what i had but i don’t know if i’ll ever fully not feel guilty.

i’m in so much pain and i’m not convinced it’ll ever stop. i can’t believe my baby is gone and it’s like every time i wake up or go to do something im relearning that he’s gone. i don’t know how to accept what has happened because how do you accept that your three year old cat whose never shown any sign of serious illness just died. i know other people have been through this but i feel so alone and all i want is to have him back.

i just want to share that he was the best boy and im so glad i got to be his person for his entire life. i met him the day after he was born. my guy forever.