10 month old serious concerns

Hello! FTM here and I’m really struggling. It is 3am and I am having another sleepless night over whether or not my baby is exhibiting signs of autism. My gut is telling me that she is.

Since she was born she has been disconnected from me. Never wanted to breastfeed even though she latched great and my milk was flowing, she also never wanted to be held. I found myself googling “why does my baby not want to be near me” when she was only a few weeks old. This never got any better. She will not hug me or sit in my lap for longer than a few seconds. She has only fallen asleep on me a handful of times, ever, in 10 months.

Around 4 months she began babbling and speaking gibberish and her pediatrician was very impressed with her communication and speech. Everybody commented on her amazing eye contact, as well. This completely stopped at 7 months and was replaced with all day constant “mmmmmmmm” sounds over and over for hours on end. She also began to scream “ahhhh”, and for the last 3 months, she just alternates between “mmm” and “ahhh” all day long. I am a SAHM and although I love her to death, the sounds have driven me to tears because it is unbreakable and constant. I have had to put her into a safe area in crib or playpen and walk away for 5 minutes to gather my sanity back so I do not become frustrated with her.

Now at 10 months she is not hitting communication milestones. She never started babbling again, is not making eye contact, and has zero gestures. I sing to her all day long, read to her, engage her with toys and floor play, and it seems like she is just “tolerating it”, then goes off to do her own thing. I work on exaggerated consonant sounds with her, work on waving, clapping, pointing, trying to get ANY mimic action but nothing, nada, zero. I can’t even get her to look at me while I’m working with her on the floor.

More things she is doing that concern me:

- hand flapping and throwing her head back over and over. If she is tired she will do this for several hours on end until she finally is able to soothe herself to sleep. If I attempt to pick her up or hold her during this, she will crocodile roll and do everything she can to escape my grasp.
- not eating solids. This is a huge struggle 3x per day. I am putting down different foods for her to explore but she throws everything off the side of her high chair. I have purchased 3 different high chairs in an attempt to make her more comfortable but none seem to be helping. She puts nothing up to her mouth. If I attempt to put any food into her mouth she will scream and rub the food into her eyes and all over her head and mealtime is essentially over at that point.

Several family members are growing concerned as well and have made comments asking if she is ok. My stepfather unexpectedly passed last week and we had to travel for his funeral. My mom is already upset from her husband passing, and I have noticed her covering her ears and leaving the room just to get away from my baby because her noises are admittedly incredibly overstimulating for everyone. I just want to cry.

When I’ve brought up concerns to my pediatrician, she just keeps saying she wants to wait until her 12 month appt to move forward with anything else. I took it upon myself to call early intervention and we are on the schedule for next month to be evaluated.

In the meantime, I don’t know what I’m looking for. Support, tips, opinions, thoughts. Anything to feel not so alone right now and wanted for the future!