Phantom love

once upon a time, you were my savior
i said your name like a prayer,
breathed your existence into every corner of my life

i chained your cuffs on myself
choked on the praise you gave
and basked in the false glow of your promises
i should have known better
i never stood a chance next to you

i watched as the days went by
how the chains rust and cut into my skin,
how praises, once sweet as nectar, turned caustic trickling down my throat,
i watched as awe and admiration morphed into despair

i watched as i broke myself over and over
because i still worshipped you
even pain from you was better than your absence
you drove me to madness with every move

they say it’s your loss, how you couldn’t see me
but i roam the earth now searching for the places where you have lingered
hoping they will tell me what it was like to have you for a little while

is this how it feels to win?