I feel like I completely lost myself. I really need advice.

I am a 24 year old female and I have really been struggling lately, and I honestly don’t know what is happening to me anymore.

I work a full time job and I am also studying towards my Master of Commerce degree. I work from 7 am to 4 pm every day and then I study afterwards.

The issue is that work has become extremely overwhelming. I work my ass off for the equivalent of about $657.90 per month, and my rent alone is already around $418.66. (I don’t live in the US, I just converted the amounts so everyone understands.)

I have been working for the same company for over three years and I have never received a raise.

About two months ago I asked for one. Since then I have followed up multiple times, but every single time my boss comes up with another reason why we can’t have the meeting. The last email I received said they first need to consider the company’s finances because money is “low.”

The thing is… I don’t believe him. I recently found out that they are actively advertising a recruiter position at the company (which I found out through PNET since everyone is so secretive here).

To say that I feel undervalued and unworthy is honestly just surface level.

On top of that, university has also been a nightmare.

I presented my research proposal in front of the panel last year. They never sent me my marks or the official letter confirming that I passed (I definitely passed since they told me after my presentation that they will be sending me that letter). I need that letter before I can apply for ethical clearance, so my entire degree has basically been delayed for over a month because of something completely out of my control.

So we’re struggling financially, work is overwhelming, and my studies are falling apart.

I honestly feel like I’ve lost myself.

The only way I can explain it is that it feels like I dropped myself off at a bus stop somewhere and just kept driving. I’m still functioning. I’m still going to work. I’m still studying. But I don’t feel like I’m actually there anymore.

I don’t feel like myself.
I’m also in a relationship and things have become rocky. I cry almost every single day. I can see that it’s affecting my boyfriend too, and I can only imagine what it must be like living with someone who is struggling this much.

Yesterday I finally broke.
I sat on the bathroom floor with my knees pulled against my chest and just cried. For some reason it felt like the safest place in the house. I ended up telling my boyfriend that I think I need help.

I’ve struggled with depression before because of my Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, but this feels completely different.

Lately I’ve been experiencing so many symptoms that I honestly don’t know whether they’re caused by stress, burnout, hormones, or something else.
- I cry over the smallest things.
- I feel overwhelmed almost constantly.
- I’ve started feeling emotionally numb at times, like I’m just existing instead of actually living.
- I don’t enjoy things the way I used to and honestly don’t even know what I enjoy anymore.
- I’ve been sleeping terribly and there were nights where I barely got five hours of sleep.
- I wake up in a panic and already feeling drained.
- I’m exhausted all the time no matter how much I rest.
- I’ve had moments where my chest feels tight.
- When I think about work or studies I feel dreadful.
- Sometimes my vision goes blurry when I’m overwhelmed or severely tired.
- I’ve had severe stomach issues, nausea and vomiting from stress.
- I struggle to concentrate and I feel like I can’t think properly anymore.
- I forget things constantly.
- I struggle to regulate my emotions. When I become extremely overwhelmed or during an argument, I feel this intense urge to hit or scratch myself, which has never happened to me before. The other day I actually bruised my forehead because I hit myself during a really emotional moment, and it scared me because I have never reacted like that in my life. It just sometimes feel like the only way to get the emotions out completely.

I just feel like my body and brain have reached a point where they can’t cope anymore.

Now here’s where my biggest question comes in.
I started my period yesterday.

I’ve always been more emotional around my period, but it has never been anywhere close to this bad.

I also stopped taking birth control about three months ago after being on it for 11 years because of irregular menstrual cycles caused by my Hashimoto’s. I had to stop taking them due to financial issues and not being able to afford it.
According to my Flo app, my cycle is currently abnormal and averages around 41 days. My periods usually last 7 to 8 days.

I don’t know whether it is depression, burnout or PMDD or all of the above, but I will be consulting with my GP soon when I have saved enough money for it.

Has anyone been through something similar?
If you have, what helped you get out of it?
I honestly just want to feel like myself again.