I (25M) have been with my girlfriend (29F) for about 3 years, and I could really use some outside perspective, because I keep going in circles in my own head.

I (25M) have been with my girlfriend (29F) for about 3 years, and I could really use some outside perspective, because I keep going in circles in my own head.

 tl;dr

I have been hurt because of her trauma, hurt people hurt people. Should I stay and work it out or leave and move on?

We actually broke up once before, only about 3 months into dating. The reason back then was that I started noticing she was manipulating me, and I told her straight up: if it happens again, I'm done. We got back together — and to be fair to her, she did change some things. For a good while, it was genuinely good.

But lately we're pretty much back at that same breaking point, for basically the same core reason: my feelings keep getting hurt, badly and over and over, and when I bring it up, it goes nowhere. I've gotten to a point where I don't think I can handle it anymore.

The stuff getting to me the most:

She makes me feel alone. When I tell her something hurt me, a lot of the time her response is literally "that's a you problem," or "take it to your therapist," or "I can't fix that." So I'm left sitting there holding it by myself. It's lonely, and it sucks

I know a lot of it comes from her trauma — her dad, her past relationships, stuff she carries about herself. I genuinely have compassion for that. But I can't fix her trauma for her, and it feels like I'm the one absorbing the fallout of it. This is also my first relationship ever, so I'm kind of flying blind.

Where it stands right now:

I brought all of this up to her, and she cried and said she'll change — same as last time. And that's exactly what I'm stuck on. She did change some things after the first breakup, so it's not like she's incapable of it. But this feels bigger than last time, and I can't tell whether "I'll change" means anything when it only comes out once I'm at the edge of leaving.

So I honestly don't know what to do. Part of me loves her and wants to give it another real shot. Part of me is exhausted and doesn't want to keep having my feelings treated like they're mine alone to deal with.

Has anyone been through something like this — where a partner genuinely changed some after an early breakup, but the same core issue came back years later? Did giving it another chance work out, or did you just end up right back here? What made the difference? Should I stay or go? I am not asking if someone or something is right or wrong because there is not a right or wrong but just what to do.