I'm 24 and afraid.

Long story that I will try to make as condensed as I can.

I've always been good at writing and am fairly creative. I've always had a deep interest in psychology and I am very good with people. Upon graduating high school, I began to realize that fields in psychology are rather limited and require extensive schooling, and I wasn't ready for that at the time. I have been producing music for upwards of a decade now, and was getting pretty decent with it. My parents pushed me towards college and I decided to major in audio engineering, as that was a passion of mine. Began working part time at a recording studio during college and started to realize that although I'm good at songwriting, recording, and production, this field was also a major risk in terms of actual sustainable employment opportunities. I was making music and collaborating with semi big named artists and unable to even come close to being able financially independent, and was very reliant on my parents. Met a girl around this time and I had the genius idea of making her the center of my life.

Did irreparable damage to my gpa due to focusing on the aforementioned girl and the dead-end studio job, and decided to drop out of college and pursue becoming an EMT. I was never fully convinced I wanted to do that, but I felt better having a plan. Main motivator was to get an apartment with this girl and finally be financially independent. I finished EMT school and got hired by a fire department last year and got an apartment with the girl. I make roughly $60K in this position, have amazing benefits, have upwards mobility, have nearly guaranteed job security, and I absolutely hate it. I now have PTSD, an alcohol problem, and dread going into work. Girl left me earlier this year due to me being a depressed zombie and neglectful to her needs, and I don't necessarily blame her.

I reached my breaking point a week or two ago and had very concerning, very dark thoughts. I realized that I feel absolutely trapped in this job, a job that I need in order to pay for the apartment that I recently started a lease for. A job that I didn't even necessarily want, and pursued solely to not lose this girl. I want to quit and need to quit for my own sanity, but I know how tough the job market is currently and know that it will be hard to find anything. I am willing to take essentially anything, I just don't want to see people die anymore. I am not particularly good with working with my hands and do not have spatial processing, and know I'd likely thrive in a more sedentary, writing, potentially people focused position. I just don't know what to do right now, I'm very lost and very afraid.