[Real] (29/07/26) Random things on my mind

1. I felt so weird to plan things. But planning helps me sometimes and now is that time. So am gonna diligently do that.

2. I thought my anxiety being not curable and ever lasting meant that I hadn't grown or life hasn't improved.

3. I have grown, my life has improved, anxiety hasn't vanished but I have learnt mroe about it.

4. I thought that if anxiety didn't improve then may be I should stop wasting energy on accomodating myself. Realized today that accomodatfons are what saved me and helped me even do anything I did do and grow towards.

5. I always wanted to be normal. I think it's not real. I don't know what normal I thought was there. If it's to be someone without anxiety? I get that wish. But this fantasy normal where a person is easy with their life is not real I think. it felt so real in my family for some reason. Now that I have some acquaintances with whom we talk freely about various things, I am seeing that everyone has painful problems in their lives. Some may worry about it constantly, another may try to distract themsleves. But life? pain? trauma? Plenty people have it and I am not odd in that.

I thought this casual friend of mine was like a sunshine. I wondered if I ought to be more like her. We spoke honestly one day and turns out she has pain that she doesn't let everyone know about. She said that she doesn't want to burden anyone.

What stood out to me wasn't just that she has problems. But the way she hid herself. It helped me see that others don't miraculously have life figured out.