I realized my friends no longer see me as a friend. I know it's valid but it hurts.

It has been probably almost 2 years since I last had contact with them. I ghosted them because I was having a hard time with my own stuff. I always can't share my problems with my friends because I don't want to feel like a burden. I don't want them to pity me or even if they actually won't do that after sharing my hardships, I don't want to constantly think that they do. I want our friendship to feel like equal and fun and light-hearted..

In order to preserve that kind of friendship. I'd rather avoid them until I fix myself. Until maybe my depression subside or until I fix my life. Which of course I know avoiding them is wrong and it hurt them.. So in the end instead of a break. I lost them.

Now, I have seen one of my friends' sentiment which is vague but seems to be directed at me.

When I decided to cut off contact, I never intended to end our friendship completely. Like after maybe feeling okay and feeling like I can finally be a functional friend, I hope to rekindle our friendship. They were my friend group all throughout middle school and high school. Now, it's probably gone.. I really miss thenmn but it's probably the end...