I just finished my first year of college, it went pretty well and I'm going back in august, but I've just felt kind of off this year, especially at home. When I'd come home for breaks I would feel so temporary in my home that it felt like I couldn't really function normally since I knew I was going back in a matter of days or weeks. I thought now that I've completely moved back for the summer I'd be able to settle in but I've barely felt myself since I got here back in May. I used to work at a summer job that ate up my evenings (not fired, my manager just ghosted me), so the first week I was back was pretty brutal, I felt like I barely had time to breathe, but now that I have unlimited time to breathe I feel like I'm completely wasting it. My days usually consist of sleeping, doomscrolling, messing around on guitar and by the time my mom goes to bed I realize that I've done absolutely nothing all day and feel awful. I have hung out with friends a couple times, but the time in between seems so long. I usually like to spend my free time working on various craft and art projects, and while I did manage to mostly complete a large project earlier in the summer, I never finished it and haven't touched it in weeks. I have a bunch of other projects I could work on in many different medias and they would be fun to do and finish but I just can't find the effort to do anything, it seems. I'm honestly worried that I'm changing as a person, and becoming someone with a lot less passion than I used to have. I also recently got my wisdom teeth out and recovery has rendered me even more useless than I was before, and I've just been feeling stagnant.

"dinner" is a beautiful dragonfruit that I enjoyed even though the seeds are iffy for recovery 😬

changing for the worse?