I am immensely scared of not being able to break the cycle.

I'm a student in an okay country, parents are immigrants who have always done their best for me and my brother despite everything, on the track to med school if I can keep up without losing my grip, goal is to end up making enough to support them when they're older, support my brother fully so he doesn't have to feel any financial pressure, and hopefully offer them some luxuries that we couldn't afford now while holding my morals close to heart and just doing something good for the world. I get told that I'm too naive and thinking this way is extremely stupid very often, I'm aware, the information doesn't change anything.

We're not badly off, just an average family trying to manage it in this shit economy, and they've begun telling me it doesn't matter what I choose to do and I don't have to be a doctor if I don't want to (supposedly because I'm too hard on myself, or maybe they noticed the whole "you have to be a doctor!" thing ingrained to me as a child might not have been the healthiest mindset which I'm definitely grateful for), glad they'll support me no matter what, at the same time it just makes me more and more afraid of failing and disappointing them and disappointing myself when I know damn well what I can do.

They quit good jobs in their home countries for me, immigrated twice so I'd have the best environment, they work from 9 to about 1 (am) every day to pay for everything while I focus on my studies and can't really contribute to anything other than personal expenses.

I still want to go down this path, I want to help people, I want to be in an operation room, I'm lucky I just happen to have my interests align well with my career path... not very lucky that it's so competitive, which is obviously fair given how well the profession pays and how important it is, which just means I need to work harder since I'm probably not working hard enough at the moment.

I can't risk this not working out, because if it doesn't I'd have wasted all the money they spent raising me, putting me through private school and uni in the future, but I feel so hopeless sometimes when I see what I'm up against, the type of people around me who are so much smarter and better at this than I am, and I just get more and more scared. I'm scared I won't succeed, scared I won't be able to be as good as they and I expect, very scared that all of this would've been meaningless and to be honest, terrified of ending up just like them, working tirelessly just to support myself and my family.

I'd be worse, actually, because they were perfectly successful before I came into the picture, I kinda just fucked it all up for them and made them sacrifice everything they had. If I don't do well with all they've given me, I basically wasted years of my life being useless, wasted all their money and resources, just to become an average person who can't even support them or do anything good for anyone.

I realize this seems like such a non issue, I'm very privileged and all of this is mostly internalized pressure and fear and whatnot, knowing that changes next to nothing about how I feel though, hence the rant.