Am I Valid for this?

I'm 17m and I'm going through early and current life trauma, My story starts with how i came along my mother was 16 when she got pregnant and gave birth in early to mid 17 of age after being practically raped by my sperm owner who was a addict to getting into trouble and drugs that landed him in prison so many times and was abusive beating my mother and even shoving my head into a pillow at barely 3 months old because he didnt want to hear my crying, ofc my mother took me and ran and later i was adopted or "put in custody" with my grandparents and constant visits from my mom who was at the time at a domestic violence shelter until she got back on her feet, and soon took me back in custody when I was 5 and that's where her story basically ends on my mental knowledge and the beginning of my life built off of trauma, at 5 years old my mother slowly took me back with constant dates to arcade and sleeping at a studio apartment even she could barely afford 500 dollars at the time in california, soon she later made got me to stay home while she went to work and I was home with her boyfriend at the time that would later be my stepdad, it really started on good terms with turmoil of me missing my grandparents my longest time safe spot I called home until my mom got me back in custody, ofc that would never be the perfect life story as ofc like any other kid I was beat spanked and whatever when they got in trouble but I guess unlike other kids my mind was either too innocent or I was just weak as ofc I was spanked and even beated for either talking in class or just wasn't listening because honestly I had no morals or anything I had trouble time as Asian kid who understood little to no English or understanding of a teacher telling me stand in line which later I was disciplined for but that would be now my darkest part of life i appreciated all the years of my step father taking me in as his own and truly I would sit there and tell everyone in the world "THIS IS MY FUCKING DAD" and no doubt about it i would be proud of saying it because he really was my only father figure who made me who I am today, a young man 1 year from graduating trying to get my license and my job and taking side jobs for certificates of becoming a electrician but despite my so called "success" in life im having that is really good for a teenager especially for my day and age of generation of stupidity of kids my age watching brainrot stuff while I'm reading textbooks of electrical safety but it all crashes in the end of the day every second when I have nothing to do and finally relax at the end of the day my brain never shuts off in a positive note because of trauma, plot twist is, im quite intelligent but im quiet, a introvert with only interactions when im comfortable after knowing the person but even after 12 to 13 years in never comfortable around my own family and that's because I knew from the beginning my stepdad was not my real dad, I have memories of little old visions of my real dad, my sperm owner despite being maybe only 1 or 2 barely walking out of my crib I remember times when he beated my mom and times I played with that fish tank in his room with a blue net trying to catch the damn fish but later stumbled out the room to a fucking family my sperm owners family all 7 of them at a dinner table pointing and trying to talk to them indicating in the best words I can get is "dad is hitting mommy" in vietnamese and all I see is them looking through the damn door and doing nothing until my own mother scooped me up and her running me out and all I see is the grass front lawn where she dropped me twice because my sperm owner tackled her and beated her up front and both time she picked me up and finally escaped, and from those visions to visions of me being dragged out of a office with people saying sorry to my mom Idk who was to being shoved in a car by some white lady crying my ads off to living with some white family taking care of me with their daughter who was maybe 2 years older than me for who knows how long separated in a house with no family I recognize until I met my mom again and grandparents at some fucking room where I then no longer remember anything from there but raised until I was 5 years old under my grandparents and now some man who now I call dad because like I said I do love and see him as a father but this man I called by his name for the longest until I called him dad a innocent boy finally have a damn father figure and yes he also beated and spanked me but for the good reasons of making me better to grow up a good man ofc with memories I never talked about and decided to push away from my life still had specs during my childhood I questioned why was this random man I called dad is beating my also but making me learn to be disciplined and respectful learning please and thank you and even opening doors an closing doors for women and elderly to gripping a man's hand for a firm proper respectful handshake to even fucking knowing how to dress tf up and look good to a mirror, I fucking respect and love my step dad for the very most he did for me and this family but for some reason my fucking mind rn as a young adult teen is replaying all this so suddenly with now my step dad or at this point in going to mention as only dad and my mom going through their 30s midlife crisis and metapods and yeah sure we went from a long run from studio apartment to finally living in 2 houses bought and everything within the last 5 or so years, but at that trauma started at 9 for some reason after them telling me my dad is in reality was my step dad which again I knew from the beginning and ofc my witch grandma telling me a lot more that sparked lost memories of my past when I was barely 6 years old so I knew quite a lot even pictures of my sperm owner but that very day at 9 years old changed the course of the families relationship everytime throughout my early pre teens and teens through the hormones and shit rather than my parents being parents punishing me they had to add a little extra that now is murdering me from the inside, my dad with always saying "You're not my son if I really wanted to i would lock you in your room and feed you a box of ramen every week" or " You're no help to this family everything would be better without you" or even "I just want to beat you and send you to the hospital and beat you until a bone in my body breaks while you I break your entire body or face" just something really twisted he would say that is just screaming "I never loved you" or which by his own words "I only care for you for your mother" and in which everytime I do something wrong my mom now brings up shit that my sperm owner did and would compare me to him and it only gets worse as I grow older and yes times I do get full on socked or kicked now by my dad which im debating is even my dad anymore and my mom who doesn't hit but she breaks my feelings even more by saying she would be better off without me or my brother sometimes when she is mad she lets it all out and I truly think that's how she thinks about me sometimes, and in turn im trying my best to be the perfect son trying my very hardest but nothing ever satisfies and I'm honestly at a point where i gained weight from constant stress over the last 3 years and my body strained from so much stress and anxiety that my body is just tired with the additional weight gain my energy level is low to a bottom grid, now if that wasn't bad my brother who to this day I refuse to say is autistic is finally in school which is great but the last 5 years I felt almost used, I babysat him nearly 24/7 wasted my midudle school life away and high school life away being with him I barely went out twice EVER with friends and maybe once spent the night with my cousins but that was it I spent my days taking care of my brother while both parents went to work and sure I had games and consoles but really there can only be so much you can play since middle school all the way to the end of high school until you are bored and can only find some life watching fucking YouTube shorts and laughing at some dark ass joke of some dude nearly getting his hand chomped off by a gator which isn't funny really if you are mentally normal unlike me but yes they tried giving me the benefit of the doubt but with constant close to my younger brothers to now the most satisfaction I get to life I reading politics and B.S. online and arguing online and which honestly sounds sadder than you might think I mean literally 5 to 6 years in a houses constant babysitting and the most you gets is a simple "hi HRU" from maybe 2 or 3 friends, by the end of it my brother is a slow learner or just a special kid that is rn getting the help he needs to catch up and hopefully be put into normal school soon when he catches up and stuff but for that reason and for the reason I was with him near 24/7 of his life i was and probably still behind my back also blamed for his late development and a failure of a older sibling i was called many times, and yeah that's really all I can really think of rn that has driven me nuts especially now that im 17 which a future ahead that im craving to reach my goals of a electrician job and apprenticeship by this year so I can get certified and save up money to finally just spread my wing and live life I mean I might stick out like a sore thumb compared to everyone in my generation but the maturity of my own to know mannerisms and understanding im having mental conflict issues in my head ik I may go nuts at times in the future especially rn but personally im scared but im desperate i wake up from dreams and go thriugh my day with visions and voices of my parents screaming all the shit they said that hurted me over the years and voices and visions or my sperm owner and early life stuff, idk im just a mess with a mental problem and a life to live and trying to make it through to success and my dream is simple compared to most thats what makes it worse for me rn, i just want a small house maybe a 2 story but small house with a large backyard and idc if its only maybe 1 bed and 1 bath or 2 bed 2 bath im a loner who will probably own a cat and a dog at most and i just really just want to live in peace and quiet with things from pets to even maybe a book I can wake up to and smile finally it peace, im not asking for millions and I'm not asking for a yacht or a beach house in miami I just want a humble abode a safe place I can actually call "home" for once and hell just give me a old broken down corolla or Camry that put-put everywhere and you will see me travel with it i mean for christ sake yeah a dream car maybe is a Koenigsegg but in the end of the day my dream car is a damn family van or a truck that just carries me to wherever i want to go and maybe just maybe when i actually think about my future carry kids and a wife but rn im scared of kids and yall know damn why so the most is maybe a girlfriend but yet again im afraid of relationships because i dont want to become like my sperm owner or my dad i want to be a man that makes my significant other actually happy to wake up seeing me, so yeah anybody out there that maybe give me advice or anything? Idk anymore honestly and my page may just be dialogues of my life now anyways peace for now ✌(im a fucking wreck ik)