I have started to become a villain and it kind of feels pretty good 24F and 32M

(TRIGGER WARNING: rape) I’m just venting but also wanting some help on how to be even more sly and calculated before I decide to leave. I know that some men are very dangerous and it’s not ideal to play, but I’m so tired of being a victim in my life. I want to be mean and evil back and I think it’s working. I could be wrong, but I’m not there yet.

I’ve made previous posts in other communities on how to navigate the men I’ve dated and I always seem to be on the receiving end of selfishness and control. I’m the victim and the only thing I can do is leave and heal and when I decide to try again I’ll try to “pick better”, but damn if this isn’t crazy idk what is!!!! Why am I the only one leaving with trauma?! I think it’s only fair that we should both learn a lesson and heal…

My most recent boyfriend I posted about was essentially bypassing my consent, raping me, and overall doing things to me that I don’t like such as disrespectful gestures that are supposed to come from love.
Everyone on my posts said to leave him. Walk don’t run kinda comments. And I agreed. And I will.
We had an event coming up and I thought that maybe I’d have to wait and see how he does. I also looked forward to this event since before we started dating and I really really wanted to go. I thought maybe he’ll just stop but if he doesn’t, after this trip I will leave. It’s not the update I think people wanted, but I still thought to give an update after I decided. “I’ll update tomorrow when I have time.”
The update never came because the very next night I get a “Hey girly, I think we’re fucking the same guy.”

I speak with her on the phone. They’ve known each other for almost 10 yrs. She communicates with him on snap and has no proof- only the last times she hooked up with him. One being a time I was on my period and in a lot of pain. She was on hers too but was not against sex. Oral on her, no condom and she called him dumb because he asked that she let him cum inside since she won’t get pregnant on her period. I knew she wasn’t lying. Earlier that same day he said the same to me. I tell her not to tell him I know, but to instead invite him or herself over so that I have proof. Just in case. She does it the next day and sends it to me. I’m thankful. She says she blocked him but I didn’t care what she does.

I couldn’t eat or sleep at first. I crashed out and had fits for a few days. I went and got tested. They came back clean but when the anxiety and tears went away the anger in me imploded. I’m not reactive. My immediate thoughts is what I wanted next.

I became the perfect girlfriend. The meals became better. Breakfast, work lunch, dinner. I cleaned, I look even better, listened to his feelings and validated them, I hugged and kissed him, and smiled with my eyes, whatever he needed, I’m there with a helping hand. Kind gentle and understanding. I became much easier than when we first started and dropped any real opinions or attitude. He has started bringing up vacations and sneaking in marriage words trying to feel me out. I think he loves it or at least falling for it. I think he thinks life has gotten easier for him.

I’m perfect. I’m..perfect.

But it’s hard to keep it in. When we hug I don’t smile over his shoulder, instead my face falls, when he talks of love I’m irritated, my eyes are always wandering over other men and I’ve started humoring conversations again. He wants a wife he can humiliate and a girlfriend to use. I just keep thinking..it’s not enough to rape me and disrespect me but u are passing germs to me on top of that?! It’s not enough!!
I’ve started using him for everything I want. I don’t think he can afford to do anything else but have sex. Everything on my list is getting crossed off. 500 here 200 here this needs replacing I need help with this and that and that. Buying things for others even. And I’m feeling better. The control feels good. He thinks he has a sucker and he might but I am booking my next 2 trips out of the country with his card so.. meh.

It feels good not to leave empty handed. To not be the only victim. Slowly sucking him dry.. Getting done wrong without anything to show for it. I’m tired of only leaving with a story of how wrong he did me. With this I will keep this story buried deep as if it didn’t happen and close a book. We will be even by the soon and I will take my nice things and my upgraded materials and look even better for my next man if I get another. And lord help him if he upsets me.

I don’t really want the “how much is your peace worth” talk because I have a deadline.

Now I would like to know what I should do to him next. I’m not gonna do physical harm to him or anything like that. I just want to know what I should get out of this next. I’m giving myself just one more month before I’m done since there is something I want coming up. Other evil women of Reddit, I need your help.

TLDR: my bf not only rped me but is cheating too. Now I need help on how else to get back at him. I’m being very patient.