Clancy in the Eyes of a Newly Recovering Alcoholic

I have struggled with alcoholism for 4 years now. I've always tried getting and staying sober, but its always failed. When i first started attempting sobriety, I'd make it weeks, maybe a month tops. This is how my story relates to the story of Clancy.

I was never a big drinker. I'd have one or two drinks when I was with family, but I was always more of a pothead. Until a couple anxiety/panic attacks ruined that. It's been 5 years since I last smoked. Life was great when I wasn't smoking, I was able to be more focused on my job, I was in an amazing relationship, and I felt my emotions for what they were instead of trying to mask or cover them up.

My first break up is where I started to be a little more daring. I started smoking cigarettes. I was chugging bottles of Potters everyday, hopefully passing out before I made worse decisions. Life was a little more new to me then. I felt like the escapes were what anyone would've wanted and I was lucky to have it.

2 years of chronic drinking, and then I couldn't remember where I was in life. I was always in between jobs, I couldn't hold one down, let alone make safe financial decisions. I ended up broke. Moved to a new city that's far from the closeness of Wyoming.

I made it back with the promise I was going to do better, and I did. I stayed sober, I focused on what made me feel human over the alcohol. I moved to a different town closer to home. But the drinking didn't stop. I felt like a little every now and then wouldn't hurt. I tried to manage it, and be someone I wasn't.

It wasn't until I got my first DUI and was finally able to admit to myself that I was struggling. I wasn't where I wanted to be. So I tried what I knew. I started a new job, and was really good at it. And I fell in love again. Things didn't work out in the end, and my first go to was to drink. 6 months. The longest I've been sober, was washed away.

I tried battling my addiction on my own, and always failed. I made promises to myself and to those closest to me that I'd do better. I know 6 months is alot, but it just means I can only get better from here.

Clancy escaped what he was comfortable with, even if just for a short time. He'd returned, escape and did better.

Sometimes, its not the point to break free and be at your best.

Sometimes its better to break free, fail, and realize why you have to keep going.

Stay Strong My Friends.