Does anyone else want to quit all the baby related appointments and requirements?!

My baby is 4 weeks old and I’m already exhausted by his “schedule” and everything everyone is telling me I need to do. Nothing related to him stresses me out, he’s amazing, but he was born 3 weeks and 2 days early (premie) and they immediately put him on a fast flow bottle in the hospital as they were monitoring his blood sugar. I had no idea anything about feeding, to know that this would cause a “bottle preference” as per the lactation consultant and he won’t breastfeed which has been my source of stress/guilt/shame. We’ve also been told he has a high palate and the lactation consultant recommended both chiropractor and physio for him to help. Along with a consult with a dentist for his tongue tie if needed after the other practitioners.

We have started the Chiro twice a week and are doing exercises at home 5x a day that have helped his tension but he still doesn’t want to breastfeed. We’ve had 2 successful breastfeeding sessions so far and only when we are lying down in bed fully relaxed, otherwise he just screams because he’s too hungry and he’s not getting anything so we have to run to get a bottle ready. He literally only cries when he’s starving but it really stresses me out trying to breastfeed him when he’s so frantic so it’s been on the back burner because he’s usually only sleeping or eating…

They did weighted feeds at my appointments and he’s not getting anything and that’s been really disheartening. We are now on slow flow bottles but I’m still triple feeding. I’m so grateful he’s gaining weight like a champ and completely healthy, but I’m trying to figure out if I even want to breastfeed anymore or go 100% on formula for my mental health. My midwife offered the pharmaceutical for increasing supply but warned me “it can cause suicidal thoughts and mood issues” and I’m honestly just like WHAT ARE WE DOING TO MOTHERS. Why are we expected to just keep making ourselves suffer “for our baby”. I feel like we need to make a MUCH bigger deal about mom’s mental health and make that the priority so that she can be happy and healthy FOR her baby. I’m hating all the self sacrificing BS that’s making me feel I’m still not enough as a mom even when I’m bending over backwards to make things work (after growing a whole human and pushing him out just 4 weeks ago).

I’ve been pumping around the clock, was told it needs to be every 2-3 hours, and my supply is low so I’ve been on supplements for weeks. I stopped tracking this religiously the other day and just trying to do it as much as I can and when I feel I need to but I still hate it lol.

The things that actually seem to help are when we just chill the f out and relax in bed, skin to skin, he latches, or not, even just him being on me increases my supply a lot, much more than any of the supplements, but again we rarely have time for this between all the other BS we’re doing!

I’m just so tired of all these “things” I hate pumping. It hurts. I’m engorged regularly and using heat and ice to help. I resent it because I have to pass my baby off to my husband or parents so I can pump (the usually small amount I do get) and it’s taking time away from him and he’s already growing so much I don’t want to miss his infancy because I’m trying to force shit that just isn’t working.

We already dropped all the “tracking” of everything on huckleberry because it was stressful, now I’m feeling like no longer booking any appointments for the time being and just taking a month to chill and trust ourselves.

I don’t doubt all these practitioners are helpful and knowledgeable, but there’s a constant battle between “you have to do this while he’s tiny, for his benefit” and “holy shit I’m overwhelmed and all this time and effort isn’t worth it”.

Thank you for reading if you got this far, I’m just trying to figure out what I actually want and what’s actually best for my baby!!