[21M] Trying to mive on after months of walikng away from my situationship [20M]

Hi!

I'm a 21yo M who's first try for a relationship didn't worked out the way I wanted to...

Basically this person said he loved me and that he wanted to have a relationship with me after a long year of friendship, when we met he was just getting out of a relationship that semeed to be toxic. We remained friends for many months until I told him that I liked him but he rejected me.

Long story short, he told me he loved me and acted like he did, I mean, it seemed like he was trying to be consistent. But a few weeks later we had a conversation where he told me that he didn't felt prepared for a relationship with me and that I shouldn't make myself romantic illusions with him.

That broke my heart and a day later I left him a note on his computer explaining why I didn't wanted to keep thigs the way they were going, with him giving me ilussions but not ready for something more.

After that we spent some months in no contact until my birthday when he texted me, then I texted on his... then he invited me to a musical presentation he had (he's an actor) and I went, still, we just said hello to each other and nothing more. Right now I'm feeling pretty lost in life, it's not just cause he rejected me... it's about many other things in my life, but I feel that this was an important turning point on it. Been feeling pretty stuck since.

Now, I have to recognize that I used to overthink many things about us, mainly cause we were never official, so that made me question what were the limits of our relationship, that's why I was willing to make it official but he never seemed to be prepared to do it. Also I was jealous for some friends of his but never discussed about it or anything, I feel like I was very open to communicate to understand what he wanted but it led me to stand many things that I shouldn't have.

My only theory is that he got scared of me breaking his heart. Cause once we spoke about what were his fears and he told me that he was afraid of repeating the same thing of his ex, which seems like he broke his heart, and it seems like he was afraid of it happening again... also I forgot to say that he kept being friends with his ex after they broke up, but it seems like he was trying to get over him but still had contact with him... anyways, I felt like I was in the middle of his process, although he explicitly told me he didn't wanted me to be his "process bf"

Now... I've been willing to contact him but I haven't dared due to shyness and pride, theres's more history to this but this is basicall everything. So yeah... Any opinions/advices?

edit: I would describe myself as an anxious person, but I was willing to work on that to not get troubled at the relationship, that's why I wanted to communicate, maybe too much? idk.