Need some guidance on what to do..

I have posted on reddit a couple weeks ago asking for some advice if I should fight for my relationship or just move on.

For context, I’m 32F, my ex is 33F and she cheated on me while I was away on a mental health break. She denied it several times before she finally admitted she had been talking to someone else and then she broke up with me. It tore me apart that I had to take another break and flew back to my hometown for a couple months to process the break up. She had reached out a week before I came back and sort of hinted a possible reconciliation. We briefly rekindled when I came back, she swore she ended things with the other woman, but I later discovered she’s still in touch with her.

So much has happened since. I always had a feeling the affair was more than just emotional because of how hard it is for her to let this person go. She kept denying that she’s never met her in person, never did anything physical, because according to her “it’s not right.”

She went on a birthday trip, discarded me during that trip, lied about the entire trip. She shared stories infront of me about spending time with family the entire time and never talking to the other woman. Not only did I find their call logs but last night I found some of their messages. They spent time almost every day while she’s there, they went on a cruise, and they are very much in a relationship. We were together for 5 years and I was never introduced to her family, but I saw she brought the other woman with her to a family trip.

I know what it looks like. I know what she’s doing is very hurtful. But I very much love her still. I feel so broken about everything but I feel more broken at the thought of losing her. She still says she wants to try couple’s therapy, which is scheduled in a couple weeks. She keeps me at arm’s length and I’m the one that keeps trying to reconnect and reach for her. She doesn’t initiate affection but she does return it. I have a feeling she’s still in contact with the other woman but I have no evidence of it. And the messages I found, I have been sitting with that information and have not addressed it to her.

I just miss her so much. I miss the woman I was madly in love with and pictured a future with.

I have the other woman’s number and I found her on Facebook. I have been contemplating messaging her, not to cause anything but, woman-to-woman, I just want to gain some clarity of the extent of their relationship and if she’s aware that she is with someone who is also still actively trying and sleeping with their ex.

I guess all I’m asking is do I reach out to the other woman? And if we are going to couple’s therapy and end up not reconciling, how did some of you cope with the betrayal trauma? I am struggling so bad. It doesn’t help that we own a house together and cohabitate. I am struggling everyday with the constant hypervigilance, anxiety, and thinking about their messages and pictures together.

Will I ever recover from this? It just feels like I am scarred for life and will never find someone else.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. 🥺