Flower Garden

I think life has a funny way of just reminding you of things.

I was sitting outside when I got a random memory of a school field trip.

I remember the building as it was grand. I remember it being so packed in there. Then I don’t remember really much else. I started thinking more about other field trips, but my mind got yanked right back to the garden.

Then I remembered there was a flower on that trip that I could never truly forget.

It felt like I just unlocked some sacred memory because even in my mind the flower was glowing.

So many distractions, and the only thing I remember from that flower garden was one beautiful flower. Made the whole damn place go silent. Maybe I thought it was a dream for so long and it went into my filing system as that.

My brain then went into overdrive thinking, “was that you back then? No way right?” out a field trip from I don’t even know when, until it started making sense. The way it felt was the same, same feeling of eyes staring into my soul. This is so crazy to me and yes this mini 4th wall break is going on the page. Why has everything been so close but so far for me? I had everything planned, provisions, I worked so hard in the shadows, just for haters to say, “if we can’t control him, kill him, contain him, lets just annoy him until he crashes himself out of the position.”
This is a loaded diaper right here baby, I find it hard not to say things to boost my confidence because they have taken so much from me. All im trying to say is if they didn’t do what they did, I would be in a better position but I wouldn’t be a better man. I hope you can respect that they had to take all my physical comfort for people to still put me on a pedestal. I mean there is one is trying to copy everything I do but belittle me and spread lies about me. He tried rage baiting me about being depressed (I’m sad/lonely not depressed)then said it was because I missed my EX (Eww). Literally I never want to see that witch again and the real reason im sad is because I don’t feel safe around my own family. Yeah all the other shit is bad too or whatever and but I would be better mentally if I could actually have a house or home I don’t have to try to survive in. Alright back to the L word :

I remembered it being so hard not to stare at the flower and I remember my friends teasing me. They chose to just straight lie on everything I stand on then act surprised when I told them not to stand close to me anymore.(I’m still ranting, I’m not sorry)

Well anyways , I hope that really was you back then. I want to stop this heart ache, I want to stop this unknown, untouchable void. I want to just have a conversation for clarity even if you tell me that you don’t feel for me. I wish you the best what ever happens and you just being yourself made me better so thanks.

I want to be able to be confident in my ability and word to keep all my promises, especially to someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, so I guess for now ill let the lessons flow. If someone is going to benefit from this shit time in my life, I want a slice of the damn pie.

Anywho, time is a funny thing. Years can pass but a random Tuesday night can have you thinking about the eyes and smile of a merry flower. I only remember one flower from that whole memory and the feeling of being seen is what stood the test of time.

It could be every fine flower on earth and I only want that one beautiful flower.
One
day