idk if this is a chaser situation or what

Idek what to do. I’m not perfect, I was struggling with the after effects of conversion therapy for years and genuinely thought I wasn’t trans anymore when we first got together. And then over time I realized that I wasn’t just a cis woman, and I felt super guilty, came out and apologized a lot, and told him that there would be absolutely no hard feelings from me if he left. I’m extremely sorry that I tricked him even if it was accidentally. At first he was really angry, then fine with it, and it’s been constantly back and forth for months until he suddenly decided it was fine and spent weeks calling me his boyfriend, saying we were gay together, telling me he loved me no matter what and fantasized about me that way. Until it suddenly wasn’t okay again and essentially if I lose my boobs or accidentally have a shitty mustache I’m on the chopping block.

Turns out he’s the type of pan that has dated women, hyperfem AFAB nonbinaries, and fem trans men (and I only specify AFAB because that’s what he looks for). And he’s dumped the trans men after they got ugly from testosterone, but for some reason that’s traumatic to him because he’s had to watch multiple people become repulsive and disgusting I guess. So then I’m at fault for tricking him and re-traumatizing him by wanting to look masculine and that’s why he said all sorts of things about me and actually I should apologize. And then when I was upset about the pattern of dumping I’m the transphobic one because apparently I don’t respect fem trans men who elect not to do any bodily changes, and he does respect them and see them as men. Idek how to explain this to a cis person, but I figure most transmascs can understand why that pattern concerns me. I don’t have any issue with feminine trans guys and I respect them all the same as anybody else, but they aren’t me.

Apparently my boobs offer more to this relationship than anything else I’ve done. Not the kindness, not me accepting him, not being there for him as he went through difficulties with his family and friends, not me standing up for him to those friends when they tried to humiliate him. Not the cooking, handmade gifts, time spent together. Not me forgiving him for his anger issues. I know I sound pathetic and I probably shouldn’t care. And I ultimately do think it’s his prerogative and I told him that his boundary is valid and I respect it. But I would’ve liked to avoid this hot and cold game. And it also makes me wonder what would happen if I weren’t trans but just needed a breast reduction for medical reasons or something (breast and uterine/ovarian cancers, endo, or other issues resulting in surgeries do run in the family).