How do I live

My entire life has revolved around the fact I hate myself for so long now. I don't let myself assume that anyone could even think of enjoying my presence. I've been trying to lose weight since I was 9 years old. I still haven't. I'm overweight and ugly and I don't know what to do about it. I have no aspirations in life and no goals for my future, no hobbies or talents or anything of the sort. I just want to be pretty. I don't understand what I'm supposed to do at this point besides the obvious.