1yr clean but not realllyyy clean

m23 have been clean for over a year now or just about a year im not sure,i made my first post in here like a few days after getting my first subs n im still on them ofc. i haven’t relapsed on oxy but i find myself taking anything i can. not “drugs” but just pushing that limit. alcohol, prescription sleeping pills (especially those) i always finish them before my prescription is finished lmao. now i’ve struggled w addiction my whole (short) life, ive been through this cycle a few times i just find it so frustrating. im doing well in life, i own my first home with my partner who is amazing, i just got a new job. but any small stressor most people can handle i feel i immediately need to medicate, anything to sedate me. anyone else trapped in this cycle? even when things r good?

im doing the obvious work, therapy, meds, doctors, blah blah. it all comes down to my own willpower though.