It’s been some time

It’s been about 6 months since we broke up as I walk around this fair. It reminds me that a year ago we were having a baby and in a few weeks will mark the day when our child’s heart stopped beating. I get anxiety driving past your work, make sure to take the long way home from the gym so that I can see your car parked in his driveway. See the light on in his back bedroom. I listen to music to drown out to voice that tells me this is all my fault and I’m still crying and wondering when this will end.

I heard your voice in a group while I was waiting for food, how I wanted to turn around and see your eyes, that smile, but my heart is racing and my breath is gone. I’m not sure how to move forward, I’m not sure why it only took you 2 weeks to start sleeping with my friend, but at least that panic attack where you told me to stop being a baby makes more sense now. Why couldn’t you be the person you said you were? Why didn’t you ever try to make it better or at least give me closure.