Husband won’t stop looking at women’s pictures online, for hours.

Hello!

Me and my husband have been married for 16 years and have 2 kids. We have a decent sex life, or at least I think so.

He works during the day, then I work at night. We usually only have 1 occasionally 2 nights a week to have sex when we’re both off because when I get home from work during the week, he’s already in bed trying to sleep and doesn’t want to be woke up. He complains about lack of sleep so I try not to bother him. He’ll be facing the other direction in the bed and everything. I’m not a morning person at all. He would love to have sex first thing in the morning then go about his day. I prefer to have sex at night right before going to sleep, that way I know the kids are in bed and we won’t be bothered and I can just completely focus on that. Well, this has created some tension because it seems like we can’t meet in the middle.

Anyways, over the years my husband has watched porn like any other man and honestly it used to bother me a lot. Fast forward years of being married and it doesn’t bother me that much because I watch porn as well. He’s looking for a quick thing to jack off to, I look for ideas of things to do. Porn I can understand, pictures are where I cross the line. After years of him just watching porn, I started noticing he was looking up pictures of women more often that videos. With porn, I can understand because it’s like if there’s something you want me to do then I can at least try it. With pictures, I can’t change my face or body or anything like that very much from the way I look now, so it makes me think he’s obviously tired of the way I look and he’s wanting something different. I’ve sent him photos over the years. He has a whole hidden album in his phone of them. I explained to him my feelings and he apologized and said he didn’t want me to feel like that, and said sometimes he gets tired of looking at the same pictures and wants something different.

He stops. We start doing really good and I feel like we’re communicating better and everything. Then I see on his phone how every single time I leave for work, the first thing he does is get on his phone and look for women’s pictures or videos. He’s spending not minutes, but HOURS sometimes looking at pictures of other women. Safari, Google, TikTok, trying to watch see through try on’s on YouTube, Facebook reels, every platform you can think of. Not just a few minutes, but sometimes 1 1/2 hours up to 2 1/2 hours. I explain that this is getting to be excessive. It’s obviously hurting my feelings at this point because literally every time I leave the house each week, the first thing you do is get online and try to look for other women’s pictures to jerk off to.

I ask him why he’s looking at these so much, like if there’s something I’m not doing for him that maybe I should. He says he’s got an addictive personality and that he is addicted to the high from endorphins that he gets from it. He says that we only have sex on a weekend night when he‘s exhausted and he has a high sex drive. He says that all of that is just easy to get to. However, he has time blocks and restrictions on his phone on all of these apps. He was spending so much time he said looking at random stuff to where he wasn’t getting much done at home so he asked me to put them on there. He would go to the bathroom and sit in there forever on the phone distracted on videos multiple times a day. So, all of those pictures are NOT easy to get to. I could literally get in the shower or bath, and most of the time he would still be watching YouTube videos or Facebook reels. He might pop his head in for a split second, then go back. It just hurts my feelings that he has this in real life in front of him, and he’s spending so much time looking at these other women that I feel neglected in a way. He keeps saying it’s nothing personal and that he’s still attracted to me and that it’s just his high sex drive and addictive personality. When we have sex it‘s like he doesn’t even cum anymore from it. Used to, he would cum within the first few minutes. Now, he has to finish by jerking off most of the time.

I feel like he’s married to me and going through the motions, but I feel like he’s getting tired of me or the way that I look.

Am I valid in feeling like this or am I overreacting?