Im confused

Hi everyone, I’m a bit at a loss and would like to get your opinion or assessment. I’ve had an anal sphincter defect for about 15 years. Over that time, I’ve developed increasing muscle issues in my left pelvic area (pain in the anus as well as in the left side of the penis and testicles)—sometimes better, sometimes worse (significantly worse in winter!). On top of that, I have mild hemorrhoids; my previous doctor claimed that my problems—specifically the strong urge to defecate and difficulty holding in gas—were caused entirely by the hemorrhoids. The hemorrhoids were treated, but I still can't control my bowels any better, and I’m still in pain. I need your help assessing my situation. Is it normal to soil myself or have gas escape involuntarily if I don't actively clench my glute muscles hard when I feel the urge to go? I honestly don't remember what it’s like "normally"—or for a healthy person.