Every day, something different

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was 14, but no one ever told me that; I went to a psychiatrist for three full years who, in my opinion, wasn’t good at his job—or at least wasn’t the right fit for me; Many times in the middle of a session, he’d be on the phone for over 10 minutes, and when I walked into the room, the only thing he’d say to me was, “Greg, what’s up?” He was quite a bit older than me, and I felt like he didn’t understand me at all; all he did was fill me with pills that made me feel even worse over time. After a very long time, I started therapy, which helped me with some things, but I’m still not at my best. With BPD, you never really know what you might do the next minute, what you might think, or what you might feel; you don’t trust yourself, and you go from 0 to 100—it’s exhausting day in and day out, and on top of all that, you also have some problematic behaviors toward those around you. What torments me the most is that I’ll be feeling really good about myself for a while, and then if something goes wrong that day—even something as trivial as someone
canceling our plans because they couldn’t make it— my mind immediately jumps to “they don’t want me as a friend anymore, they’re embarrassed to be seen out with me because I’m overweight…” and many other things like that. Another thing is that in borderline personality disorder, we see a slight touch of bipolarity—meaning that one day I might be "chill Greg," the next it's "angry Greg," and the next it's "sarcastic Greg." What I’m getting at is that I’ve been in therapy for six months now—and yes, I know that’s not very long to heal—but I haven’t seen any huge changes. The truth is that it’s extremely difficult for me to make progress because I feel like I’m at a impasse , and for the past month I’ve had trouble sleeping, I’ve been overthinking way too much, and there’s literally no one I can talk to—whether as a friend, to chat with, or to hang out with… So, please share some of your experiences with me. If anyone can relate to what I’ve said, I’d like to hear from you, and I’d also like to know how long it took for you to start feeling different after psychotherapy.