My Italian(32M) wife (30F), cannot stop raising her voice during virtually any conflict.

My wife simply cannot seem to avoid raising her voice and becoming animated when we have any moderate or above conflict.

When I say she cannot seem to avoid it, I mean, it appears involuntary. It's as though something 'takes over' and once she reaches the end of her argument, she then reverts to this almost violent posture and all bets are off. She uses a combination of bringing up every irrelevant negative aspect of mine she can (similar to Bill burrs bit on this), and will start slamming doors, storming out (whilst still yelling so I can hear), and screaming in her native language.

Whilst I accept there is a bit of a cultural difference here, and in her family it's common to be passionate arguers, I have made it abundantly clear it's not for me. I have said on many occasions I don't want, but need to have a peaceful home. It's a non-negotiable for me. Growing up I had a home like her family's, but worse, with things being thrown and broken regularly, and life changing arguments stemming from wrong order of pizza etc. This was between all family members and I was significantly younger than my siblings (9 and 10 years younger), and even at age 6 I remember thinking that when I had my own family it wouldn't be like this at home.

Now, where it's troubling for me is I have brought to to my wife's attention at least 50 times. No joke, that many. I also have made it clear that it's not that I don't want to hash things out and get passionate, but when she starts becoming animated it becomes a respect and, subsequently, attraction aspect for me. Everytime it happens it's like my ability to want to be physically and connect intimately is completely compromised and I go through periods of staying in the guest room as it gets to 1am and I just can't bring myself to get into bed with her. For years I didn't understand why I would go through these periods, and I've realised it happens at times of high conflict.

Here's the issue and question I have. It seems too ingrained in her. She has said that she understands my perspective but nothing has ever improved. Even a little bit. Maybe from a 10 it's gotten to a 9, and even that is being generous. We have been together for 10 years and despite often pleading with her after an argument that I just can't do it, I can't live like this, I hate all homes like this (not even a home I am a part of, but I hate even going to friends houses that have spicy arguments). I have made it clear I absolutely fucking hate it and can't stand it and can't be in a relationship where this is the case. She accepts everytime, sometimes with tears in her eyes and promises it won't happen again, but within 1-2 months it's back to square one.

I have come to the conclusion that nothing is likely to improve and for it to improve it would mean her fundamentally changing the person she is on the inside. I don't think that's posisble. With that in mind, do I need to become more accustomed or is this doomed? I just don't feel I need to change my wish to have a home of peace. I don't think it's a right of anyone to force an argument style they're not happy about and to make that the status quo of the home.