The fact that antidepressants exist comforts me

I was taking SSRI's and antipsychotics since I was 14- I took them of 5 years for OCD, depression,anxiety and PTSD-. I stopped taking them within my psychiatrist's knowledge nearly 8 months ago. However, things are not going well tbh. I might start them again anytime but when I think of starting again my mind gets quiet and the rumination gets decreased, interesting though.