I keep missing work due to depression and I’m going to get fired .

I just need to rant and some random support. I have a great (but stressful) job that I’ve had for about 1.5 years. For the first time my husband and I with our combined jobs are not living paycheck to paycheck . And I feel like in sabotaging it with my anxiety and depression and it makes me want to scream. I KEEP missing work due to anxiety and depression. I’m about to call i.ln for the third time this week and I feel like I’m daring them to fire me. I’m on probation (job was temp for a year now I’m perm but on probation for a year) so even though I try to cover my bases and get drs notes they can in theory fire me at any time.

I used to have this issue back in 2015-16 when I was actively in alcohol addiction and before I was medicated . I’ve been sober since 2017 and am on an Ssri and have been able to cope. But now I have a daughter and a mortgage and it’s a big deal if I lose this job and that adds to my stress immensely. I don’t know if it’s just burnout or stress but I feel just as low as I did back before medication and just frozen in my bed. The idea of getting up and going through the motions to get to work starts the panic attack going .

I am diligent about getting a Dr note every time I’m out due to this but still I’ve been taking way too much time off for it. I have never gone into leave without pay but I do turn and burn my hours as soon as I get them. I’ve had to do PFMLA for this once now. I do have a supportive Dr so that is good . I keep telling my boss that I am working on it and I am— I started therapy earlier this month and next week I have a dr appt to examine if the meds I’m on are still appropriate or if we should loook at something else. But damn I feel like every time I’m poised to be successful and doing well my brain sanatoges it.

Going to go tell my husband I’m missing another day and he’ll be supportive but also worrried that I’ll lose this job which will make me feel guilty and more stressed.