Surgical abortion 12-13 weeks at 32 years old + break up

My partner and I broke up a year ago, and recently in the last few months he came back and begged for us to get back together. He said he was ready, wanted to get married and have a family. It took me a moment to warm up but eventually I agreed we should get back together and we were taking it slow. We had unprotected sex a few times and both agreed that IF we did get pregnant by accident we would both want to go through with it, but neither of us actually thought it would. It did happen. We found at 4 weeks and we were so happy at first. It was scary but wanted. Over time doubts started to fester on both sides and the hormones plunged me into deep anxiety and depression. We had many many conversations back and forth for weeks, deciding that we would get through this, but it was tough and a lot of pressure. At 10 weeks we considered our options with abortion (against my wishes personally) but after some traumatic appointments I said I could not go through with a termination. He said he still had doubts but wasn't going anywhere and would stick around to do it together. At 12 weeks, he turned around and said he didn't want to be with me anymore, and that he thought it was likely that we'd have to go through pregnancy and raise the child separately if I went through with it. I told him that I couldn't physically go through with an abortion and he said that we'd then need to plan to be single parents. In the end I decided to have the abortion as did not want to raise a child on my own.

This has been the most traumatic thing to go through. I want a family and wanted one with him. My age makes it feel even worse.

I will be having the surgical abortion at 12 weeks 4 days. I never imagined doing it this late, ever. I have had multiple scans and have seen the baby move around, cross it's legs, the tiny heartbeat.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the trauma of the abortion and the abandonment of the break up. Looking for anyone who has had a similar experience, any advice, anything that will console me and help me feel like I will recover from this.