I'm having a bad week :))

I’m 17, and people usually describe me as energetic and talkative. I care a lot about my friends, and I try my best to be there for them in any way I can. But sometimes I feel like that part of me is exactly what makes me “too much,” and lately, it’s starting to hurt more than I expected.

Recently, I’ve been feeling like I’m being pushed away or slowly left out by my friend group. Last week, I accidentally messed something up for a close friend. We were making dinner rolls, and I tried to help by rounding them, but the ones I made didn’t turn out well, and it affected her work. She ended up failing, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I didn’t mean to mess things up. I just wanted to help her, and now it feels like that one moment changed how she sees me.

Then during a group project with her and another girl I really want to be closer with, we were making mochi, and I was assigned to do the dishes. I finished what I thought was my part, and someone said they’d handle the rest, so I left. Later, I found out they got scolded because the sink was still dirty. Even though I thought I did what I was supposed to, it still feels like I somehow let them down again.

Now everything feels different. This morning especially, they seemed distant. They avoid me, move away from me, and when I try to talk, I can feel the annoyance, like I’m bothering them just by being there. And that’s the part that really hurts. Not just what happened, but how easily I suddenly feel unwanted.

I know I made mistakes, and I truly feel bad about them. I think about them over and over, wishing I could go back and fix it. But at the same time, it hurts that it feels like I’m being quietly pushed out instead of being talked to. It makes me question if I was ever really comfortable to be around, or if I’ve always just been “too much” and no one said it until now.

I talked to my best friend, and she told me it’s okay to make mistakes and that real friends wouldn’t treat me like this over something like that. I want to believe that, but it’s hard when these are people I genuinely care about and don’t want to lose.

My mom told me I should distance myself because she thinks this isn’t healthy for me, and part of me knows she might be right. But another part of me still wants to fix things, to make it right, to not lose them like this.

I just feel stuck. I want to try, but I’m scared that anything I do will only make things worse or make me seem like I’m trying too hard. I don’t want to be seen as a show-off or a pushover. I just don’t want to feel like being myself is the reason I’m being pushed away.