I fucked up

Whelp. Title.

I’ve been on 50+ gpd of Kratom for 15 years. 2000- 1000mg of 7oh per day.

The goal was to quit the seven and then tackle the kratom next because obviously the federal ban is coming and I’ve been on Kratom for a lot longer but what I’ve come to understand is that I have to quit kratom before I quit anything because without Kratom, I feel awful even on the 7.

I’m giving myself three days of seven no Kratom cold turkey and seeing how this works out. More than anything I wanna be off the Kratom as I know, I will not go to the black market to get seven. I know all of this is just junkie logic and I will validate any way I can to get high so that’s not lost on me but after having quit seven so many times I realize that I can’t quit one without quitting the other and that if I have to quit one, I have to start with the one that I have the hardest time quitting. So three days of seven. after that, I go at it hard.

I don’t know why I’m sharing this. Probably because I feel like I’m screaming into a void. I need help. I don’t wanna go to the rehab for gas station drugs, but even my ex-wife who is always very quiet about her addictions has come to me about how did how did I quit 7 and I’ve helped her as best I could having done it several times (just not staying off of it for longer than two weeks) but she’s not ready either and she’s on substantially higher amounts so I kinda have to lead by example on this one and prove what’s possible. Never thought that would be the case.

I don’t know. Truthfully I’m terrified and again junky logic is at play. I don’t have money for anything else so that helps substantially, but the universe has a way of putting drugs in my path. I have a way of eating those drugs up.