hey guys it's the empathy girl again. something i didn't mention in my original post is that my family is genuinely terrible to be around. currently, i'm living with my mom and brother. my dad takes me to his house twice a week, but i'll refrain from mentioning him since he's not that relevant to this (although he still is pretty bad.)

literally all the time i have to worry about both of them being angry or overwhelmed or whatever. whenever i hear ANY slightly aggressive noise whatsoever (like the trash can lid slamming down or smth) my stomach drops and i immediately feel worse. my brother at least keeps it to himself most of the time, but when my mom is angry she makes herself even angrier at the dumbest shit and takes it out on us. one time she came home angry and then got mad at me because one of the lights was off, then said something like "why do you just sit in the dark like an ogre???" which felt extra bad because i'm a closeted trans woman and i do indeed feel like an ogre. another day she was really pissed off and overwhelmed and had an agressive argument with my brother. at one point she SCREAMED at the top of her lungs which i've never heard from her before, and then started sobbing. this is the type of shit i'm talking about. all of the people i'm around are extremely emotionally unstable and i have to walk on eggshells with them 24/7 (something my mom ironically says she has to do with me.)

there is the easy solution of "just make good friends." and that is something i plan to do when school starts up again, and will hopefully succeed doing. but even if i do make friends, i'm gonna have the same empathy problem again. someone encounters a problem that makes them feel ever so slightly worse, and suddenly it's the only thing i ever think about and i have a constant pit in my stomach about it. my mental state depends so much on my friends that if they feel the slightest bit bad it becomes a life-threatening problem in my brain until it's resolved. i really don't know what went wrong in the character creator but best i can do right now is complain about it here until i get a therapist in T-minus a century. anyway that's all i wanted to talk about, have a good one yall.

my family sucks (tw family issues)