Dealing with breakup from someone I met while they were separated

I met my ex while he was a few months separated from his now ex-wife. He wasn't really expecting anything, and then surprisingly we actually hit it off very well. He wanted to take things slowly since he wasn't fully divorced, but we ended up making our relationship official after a few months. I knew it was risky when we started due to his marital status, but I decided I was going to take the leap and commit to him. We eventually fell in love.

Once his divorce was finalized, he said he felt closer to me and felt like he could finally focus on our relationship. I started noticing that when I brought up issues, he would mention what his ex did and why he acted that way, which I eventually had to set a boundary on. He always listed, he always understood, he was always really good at that. I never felt like he ignored me.

His therapist told him that he needed to open up to me more, because he was expecting me to respond like his ex, so he wouldn't share his feelings. Him not sharing his feelings would trigger my anxious attachment. After his most recent therapy, he realized he has a lot of healing to do. He said I've been the healthiest and most well-adapted person he's dated so far, and I see our future together and have the tools, but he doesn't have them or know how to use them. I told him that he didn't need to have all the answers, I just wanted him to be able to say "I get it, I see it. I will try this differently." I ultimately asked him if he thought he could work on these while we're together and he said he didn't think so. He said he didn't have the emotional capacity to solve these things right now (I had said I wanted us to take shared initiative to solve issues).

By no means am I infallible. I absolutely could have been better in our relationship. I am a recovering anxious attachment / codependent. I tried very hard to try to manage these emotions and communicate as clearly as possible. I thought if I could ask him enough questions to learn enough about him, I could figure things out. I would ask him sometimes if I could do things better, and he said I was just fine and he was happy. I would have changed and compromised with him or changed how I communicated with him, because I wanted us to succeed and I loved him, and wanted him to be happy and feel heard.

I'm really just struggling right now. I really love him. I believe in his ability to heal and I believe in us. I really thought we could work on things and I could somehow be a positive influence for him to heal as well. I know he has to put in the work if there is any chance we could be together again, and I know it's fresh enough that I have the hope we can reconcile and build something again.