My Step-Sister Died Today. My JW-Mom Is Preaching, and Why Am I STILL Being the "Bigger Person" Amidst My Grief??!

My sister was 36. She suffered a sudden cardiac arrest on week ago Thursday. She was resuscitated, but it took a long time. Ever since then we have been on tender hooks, between "She might make it!" and "She probably won't make it!"

No. She didn't make it. Her brain damage was too severe and despite all best efforts there was nothing more to be done. She was taken off life support today. And she died 3½ hours ago.

I have been wailing. Crying. My heart broken. I've reached out to everyone close to me, in my circle, because I had to talk this through, over this past week. That includes my mother.

I suppose she may have tried not to preach too much. But. Of course. Inevitably, Jehovah entered the chat. This was all on texts, not in person or on the phone, over the past week.

*

At first it was, "Pray to Jehovah, he'll strengthen you."
And I screamed at the screen, "HE NEVER DID!"

Next day it was, "Jehovah sees. Jehovah will bring her back."
And I screamed, "NOT ACCORDING TO YOUR RELIGION'S TEACHINGS HE WON'T!!"

When the bad news came, that she won't make it, she said, "Pray. Jehovah will give you strength to endure."
-"HE NEVER DID BEFORE!! IN THE 21 YEARS THAT I PRAYED AND SERVED HIM, HE NEVER ANSWERED!"
"She will be safe in Jehovah's memory and we'll get her back."
-"YOU LIE. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOUR RELIGION SAYS."

"But we have a real hope. Jehovah doesn't want us to suffer. Jehovah will fix everything, even death. Think about that."
-"F*** YOU AND F*** YOUR JEHOVAH! HE's GOT A PRETTY LOUSY WAY OF SHOWING HE DOESN'T WANT US TO SUFFER, CONSIDERING HE SUPPOSEDLY SENT SATAN DOWN HERE TO TORMENT US!"

And finally, today, with the final news.

"I will pray to Jehovah that He strengthens you that you'll make it. You pray, too."
-"Do whatever makes you happy."

"Jehovah will take care of her now. She will sleep until she wakes up again, when Jehovah brings her back."
-"GO. READ. YOUR. OWN. PUBLICATIONS. THAT. IS. NOT. THE. TEACHING. FOR. NON-JW'S!!!! If you're going to peddle cult bs, at a time like this, at least have the decency to get it right. WHAT is the "hope" for those who hear the news but do not convert? Hm??!"

"When you think about it, everything will turn out okay. But death is a thing we cannot reverse."
-"Excuse me?! Didn't you JUST tell me it CAN be reversed?? Ffs."

Finally, a link to the borg website, with an article from 2019 about death. (6 years, brothers couldn't even grow a beard back then, let alone women wear trousers to meetings. Tut-tut, such old light.)
"That might bring comfort."
-"NNNNOPE. DOES NOT."

*

I am broken right now.

I will make it through this, and so will my family. In time we'll be able to cherish the good memories of my sister without it hurting so much, and just appreciate that we did have 36 years with her as a ray of sunshine in our lives.

But right now. It's terrible. And having someone spout imaginary nonsense at me, let alone as vile nonsense as the JW brand of bs is, it's just...

And I still bite my tongue. Or stall my fingers, rather, since this is all on text. Had it been in person or on the phone, I probably wouldn't have been able to bite my actual tongue.

Letting it out at her just wouldn't help anything. I'd feel vindicated for a half a second, having gotten it out, and then her metal defenses would slam in. She'd spew something about apostasy at me, and we'd both be worse off than before. I'm shattered enough already.

So I scream at the screen.