I did something terrible.

I can’t even say what it is, I became someone who I don’t recognize when I drank last weekend. I did something I would never ever think to do sober, I risked my life and my future. I feel so isolated and alone with shame, I’m sick and anxious every day in a shame filled limbo. I can’t face my friends, my family, my partner. I feel like a horrible horrible person, and when I drink I don’t recognize who I am.

I wish I could just go back. I wish I could go back. I can’t do anything I’m so filled with anxiety and shame and guilt. I can’t focus at work, I can’t go back, and I can’t fix anything.

God, who am I? Younger me would be so disappointed.