Feeling lost and stuck

I’m 23 and I suffered from a 2.5 years limerence on a middle aged dude which made me distracted from myself and my goals. Yeah classic daddy issues. I thought I had moved on but seeing them with this girl that I was kinda jealous of brought back all kinds of emotions in me.

I look at others and see them enjoying their youth and vitality. Being free and chasing their dreams despite obvious obstacles. Time moved on so fast that I now have realized I’ve lost my spark. Completely. I constantly compare myself and my life with others and feel bad about it. On top of that, this annoying limerence.

I have moved on already but the intrusive thoughts persist. I don’t like the person nor do I imagine and fantasize about them anymore yet I get frequent thoughts about how they probably like and admire this other girl that I used to be jealous of. Still to this day. Although it’s not as intense as before, the jealousy. I used to feel so jealous watching this girl’s social media that my chest would burn. It’s the first time I’ve felt this jealous of someone living their life and doing their own thing. Pathetic. I know. I still stalk both of them online and feel like a complete loser. As for me, I don’t even post anymore cause I don’t feel like I have anything noteworthy to post. It’s just social media and I am free to post and do my own thing. Why am I judging myself so harshly? Ugh.

The point is this L.O is never going to choose me and that’s okay. But why do my thoughts still linger? I hate it. Please. I wanna get better. For myself. I don’t want to get better so that he finally sees me or chooses me anymore. I just want to grow and improve as a person for my own damn self. Be financially secure. Chase my dreams and live my own life without constantly being traumatized by the intrusive thoughts about ghosts of the past. It’s ridiculous at this point. Someone needs to slap my soul back to reality to finally live for my own self. I feel like I need just a little push and a little fire up on my ass to get moving. From anyone. Please tell me I’m worth it and that I can do it. Pleaseeeeee.