Once I leave I don’t think I’ll be coming back

I’m having shit luck getting called in for interviews but I’m hoping one will work out soon. Especially this Barnes and noble one since I have a strong love for reading and a passion for writing. It’ll take awhile for me to be finally well off but I swear once I do I’m gone. I think I’m more miserable around here, around people who don’t seem like they couldn’t care less about my mental state or even how stress I am at times or the words they say than I would be out there supporting myself and on my own. I atleast wanna get out of Florida since I don’t like it here. I feel more stressed in this house than I do when I’m out on my own.

It probably won’t happen but maybe I can start a new life and even work up the courage to make friends. Get some mental health and start the healing process I’ve been needing since I was a teenager or even sooner. Nobody else will ever care enough to bother and everyone around me treats it like some kinda of disease or it’s the people’s fault. It makes me angry and I can’t even be sad and depressed alone without people acting like I hate them or making it about them. Maybe if I’d had a proper upbringing and adults didn’t fail me or allow the things to happen to me that did as a child I wouldn’t have as many of the issues I do. I can’t put the blame solely on my family but I always had to do stuff on my own emotionally and it felt like I had to be the anchor a lot of the time even for adults.

Even if I never come back around here again or only visit I would rather be out there truly on my own than feel like I’m letting myself be trapped here any longer. I’m 24 and I’ve already got two grey hairs or two blonde hairs on my head and it’s not the first ones I’ve noticed. I love my family but I don’t think I can do this anymore and I’ve had it being here. I’ve already lost my gf(my fault) and I think I’m truly losing my mind. If I’m going to continue to sink I’m gonna at least try to do something right. Once you hit rock bottom the only place to go is up.