I have this compulsion that makes me feel like a creep

I have this compulsion that makes me feel like a creep, tied to my real event OCD. I don’t act on it often BECAUSE it makes me feel like a creep, but every so often I act on it and feel bad everytime (and everytime I don’t find anything new that either reassures OR exacerbates the obsession that I’m a horrible evil person that deserves death).

I have a bad habit of, from time to time, checking the social medias of people I’ve wronged, to see whether or not I’ve made a lasting hurtful impact on them. I haven’t spoken to these people in years and don’t like being nosy, I don’t want to know what else is going on in their life, I only want to know if they’re still hurt and affected by stuff I said to them years ago. Obviously I don’t find any answers that confirms it either way. So I’m just left feeling like a creep bc I’m sure they wouldn’t like that I’m doing this if they knew.

I just want to stop. This is a useless, creepy, time-wasting habit and I wish I wasn’t still obsessing over shit that happened when I was a teenager so that I didn’t feel compelled to repeat the same stupid fuckin search prompts over and over.

The worst part is they could’ve forgiven me (doubtful) by now, but as long as I never know, I still won’t be able to move on from it because I can’t forgive myself.