Happy birthday Bub

I know i don’t have the right to refer to you as that, which well that’s why I’m writing here and not actually to you. I’ve been doing a lot of reflection recently and after a year i can whole heartedly say i miss you with all of my being. Not for the things you did but because of who you were. Key word were, I’m sure you’ve grown over these past 13 months…evolved into the confident woman i always knew you were capable of being. To be honest I just hope you’re happy, happy to your core and not that fake smile you’re so used to having just to appease those around you.

I will say I’ve questioned if i did truly love you especially considering how we ended up here and for the record i did. But that’s my problem emotional regulation, small things seem like the end of the world and will send me off the deep end. Now that wasn’t fair to anyone and i still don’t recognize that person but that doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve grown too (thankfully) but with that growth comes the guilt and the regret and the introspection of it all.

But today isn’t about me and how much I’ve said I’ve grown or matured it’s your day. The big 29 crazy isn’t it you’re basically an old fart now. But regardless i hope someone gives you a reason to smile today, i hope you receive all the kindness that you give to others and well i hope you have the best 29th year.