suspected bpd

hi! I (22F) suspect I may have bpd, but Im a bit reluctant to go to the gp and ask if I can get an assessment because I keep reading quite negative things on here abt how the diagnosis can impact you long term.

I don’t really know if this is the right place to just lay out everything I struggle with but hopefully just speaking about everything I suffer with will help.

so I got diagnosed with combined type ADHD abouttt a year and a bit ago? am currently going through titration but I can’t really tell a difference. I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation for just over 10 years? and got referred to the gp from my school in year 10 but was kind of just sent home without any help. I have bad memory issues where I struggle to remember things but I think that’s due to my adhd. I know I’ve felt a lot emptiness for a few years, where I just kind of struggle to feel any emotions or empathy for anything. this’ll last for several days normally but eventually subside. I also have quite fluctuating emotions. I’ll be fine and happy and then all of a sudden I’ll feel incredibly hopeless and depressed and just want to die. I start to just feel like I’m the worst person on the planet and am a burden to everyone around me. last year ish time, this happened during a social situation and I just felt so awful I had to leave, and a couple of my friends asked if I was ok after because it was quite apparent that my state had just flipped without any sort of trigger. these periods of sadness can last anywhere from a few hours to 2 weeks. the frequency of the periods is random though. I also suffered some emotional trauma? I don’t know. I don’t like calling it trauma but I went through some quite bad stuff emotionally within my family when I was quite young ~5 years old.

I don’t know. I just feel like each year, it gets harder to handle these things, and I just want to figure out what’s wrong with me. somethings wrong with me. I feel like it can’t be normal to feel these things. I just want to know what’s wrong so I can fix it.

again, I don’t know what’s really wrong with me, but my closest guess would be bpd. I know a lot of people on here say it might not even be worth getting a diagnosis. but I don’t want to pursue any treatment without knowing I have something for certain. sorry if this is impeding on rule 14 a bit. I just don’t even know if I should go and tell a healthcare professional.