I just need to vent. I have a problem with relationships and I have no idea how to fix

So I'm writing something like this for the first time, but I need to get it off my chest.

Does anyone else have this problem? And if so — how do you even deal with it?

Basically, I struggle with starting relationships. I'm terrified of texting first or making the first move. But here's the weird part — when someone does reach out to me or shows interest, I start backing off. Like I'm scared or waiting for some hidden catch.

I have plenty of female friends, and they always tell me I'm great to talk to. They keep asking why I'm still single. I usually dodge the question, but lately I've been asking myself the same thing.

Truth is, I've had 3 relationships, and none of them worked out:

1. Got rejected pretty hard, but honestly, it didn't mess me up that much.

2. I ended it myself. I had no money, nothing to offer, and I genuinely thought she deserved better. She found someone else, and I'm genuinely happy for her — we're still friends.

3. This one hit different. I actually made the first move, and things were going well. She was struggling with addiction, and I tried to help her through it. Then one day — she just vanished. Like she never existed. I've asked everyone, and nobody knows where she is or what happened. I still wake up in cold sweat sometimes when she shows up in my dreams.

I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe just to know I'm not alone. Or maybe to finally say it out loud.