Dead bedroom.. how bad is it and what are realistic expectations?

Hello dads,

My wife and I have been dealing with a little bit of a dead bedroom for the last 7 years. When we first started dating we had sex all the time but about seven years ago that started to fizzle out to about once every other week. I feel like half of that time it was duty sex. Now that we have a child and she's pregnant with a second that has completely dropped to maybe once a month. It's currently been six weeks and I'm starting to form resentment. I'm trying really hard not to but the constant rejection (even going back before the kids) is starting to eat away at me. I've brought things up in the past and it gets better for a week or so and then back to normal.

Little things start adding up - when we were dating she used to give me oral regularly and specifically on every birthday. My last four birthdays she has come up with an excuse and a "coupon" for later that seems I can never cash in on. Just kind of makes me not want it at all.

She swears she just has a low libido. We don't really have any other relationship issues and she 100% isn't cheating. She does have a terribly depressing and stressful job which I acknowledge is probably part of the problem. The only times she ever initiates intercourse is when she's had a few drinks which is very rare. It makes me feel terrible about myself.

Here's the twist - she throws handjobs around like hotcakes. I get handjobs all the time enthusiastically, whenever I ask which is probably four times a week. This can't be so bad, right?

I've tried to stay off of r/deadbedroom because I feel that place is cancer. I lurked on it for the last few years and I feel that has skewed my opinion and has formed some of my resentment.

My wife is a wonderful woman and an amazing mother to my children. I am looking for constructive advice to help. I am wondering if my situation is really that bad or am I over analyzing?

Constructive advice only please.