I can do it, you can do it

Would love for others to share their experiences with taking breaks and returning. Daily edible consumer, my tolerance had gotten too high for my income ( needed 150mg to actually feel “high”). I had also gained 15 pounds in 2 months which is just from my munchies while high because my level of activity had not changed but my consumption increased.

Tomorrow will be officially 1 week weed free which will have been my longest voluntary break in the past 4 years! This break came after many sessions of me saying I’ll stop once my edibles run out…but of course I always found my way to the store.

Yesterday I picked up some edibles and fully expected myself to take them today, but for some reason I didn’t. A voice, which was not there at the beginning of the break, really asked me to examine how would getting high make the rest of my day better.

I realized it wouldn’t. I’ve spent time on this sub reading post about people finding hobbies to distract themselves during breaks and changing routines but it never resonated with me. Half of my current hobbies like running, making playlist, listening to podcast or watching movies were just unfortunately so much more fun with weed. That’s a reality that I know won’t change because the brain likes what the brain likes (and in my case it’s the sense of immersion and connectivity weed creates). Being able to feel like you’re within every note in the song is just something that is so amazing and fun for me that I know as of right now I would not go completely sober.

Anyways, why am I saying all this? I really really hope this reaches someone who feels like they could never quit. That a day or two without weed leads to a life so bleak, an appetite so non existent, and colors so dull. That’s the reality of the situation, but escaping into a fantasy with weed is detaching from your current reality.

Prior to this break the longest I had gone was 4 days without getting high. And every morning after a restless night (yup the ability to not fall asleep and the vivid nightmares everyone mentions really does happen), I would wake up in a cold sweat hit by the reality of the world. The realization that I had been escaping into fantasy’s land ignore the life in front of me.

I don’t have many responsibilities if I’m honest and I’m at a point in my life where if I do nothing except get high all day for the next couple of months , aside from the health risk it would not drastically negatively affect my life. On the other hand this past week I have become so much more productive and have garnered much more motivation for the future.

Also note this is coming from someone who studied for my college finals in computer science and neuroscience courses insanely high yet still got A’s. So yes, weed can make you productive. But ask yourself if that is really true. At first it was for me, I wasn’t going to sit down in front of a computer and study but with the promise of getting high my ass was sat. Not only that but things seemed to make so much more sense for me.

Now having graduated I realize I can’t remember 3/4 of what was an amazing point of my life because I was so stuck on chasing a high.

So with all that said. There’s never a perfect time to take a break. And I had convinced myself that I wasn’t addicted, but this week of thinking about weed every single hour made me realize this drug was making me become a different version of myself. That version is not necessarily good or bad, but I realized I can’t live my life like a zombie controlled by a substance.

I would like everyone who read this far or skipped down to the bottom to look around the room they are in, think about their day.

If you got high today, what choices did you make while high that wouldn’t make while sober. And are you satisfied with allowing someone else (weed) to live your life for you.

If you did not get high today and that was intentional, good job. It doesn’t matter if you break the streak tomorrow or never get high again for the rest of your life. Be proud of yourself in this moment for living the day as you.