how do you describe wanting to go back to your abuser to people who have never experienced an abusive relationship?

I always describe it like leaving him felt like i was cutting off my limbs, like i was losing a part of myself. We were together from 14-19, i am 20 now. We were so deeply intertwined with each other that my body had a visceral response when things were ending or i knew they were going to, I felt physical pain. My heart hurt, my whole body hurt. He made me feel like without him I am nothing and have nothing. It’s so weird how easily he could make the pain that he inflicted go away.