a friendship breakup

its been almost three years since we stopped talking and i still feel such a strong pain everytime i see things that remind me of her. ive tried blocking her ive tried hatching things out ive tried making new friends weve become entirely new people but i cannot make it stop because nothing will amount to that friendship. she knew when i was sad without me even speaking and ive never been understood like that ever. i keep thinking how much we loved spiderman anything she bought me Spiderman themed playing cards, we watched every movie together, sent every edit possible to one another, and i even still have a card she wrote to me for valentines day calling me “her miles.” Brand New Day is the first movie im watching without her, it came out today and i remind myself we have no intention of ever seeing eachother again which haunts me. i was thinking once i graduated things would get easier because i would see her less and shes moving away to college but honestly it hasnt gone away. i’ve tried to ignore the reminders of her but they are so in my face- for graduation she sat rows infront of me with a sparkling white cap that reflected every light in the room, and when we left the stadium she was the first person i saw when trying to make my way through the crowd, she even hugged me which didnt help. she does all of this mind you radio silence for the last entire school year at school. she invited me to her grad party which i didn’t attend because i think thats the equivalent to rubbing an entire salt rock onto this wound. shes a social media influencer so i fucking see her on my PINTEREST PAGE even though shes blocked other people repost her face. i dont even know if she thinks about me anymore because she has so much going on in her life i feel like i originally lost my space in. i should probably say that i dont want to be friends with her ever again due to the fact that there was huge issues with disrespect in my relationship, never defending my name, prioritizing her more “aesthetic” friends for her social media presence, so i know im just grieving a version of her that is gone but it just feels like none of it was real. i feel like im going insane