DAE feel certain reactions to this contradiction? I don't know how else to title this??

So, I read a lot. A lot of online articles. I keep up to date with the math and literacy crisis and I sometimes get informed by my parents about the job market as well as these articles.

For context, I'm a recently graduated Gen Z person.

When it comes to the job market, I'll get articles where it says that the job market is bad and it's not all the youngsters fault and then I'll proceed to find articles (or info from my parents, mainly my dad) where it talks about how youngsters don't want to work, their work ethic has gone down, they're making TikToks in the bathrooms and are constantly getting fired.

When it comes to the math and literacy crisis, I have tons of articles saved to a folder labeled "Proof that I'm just stupid" as well as a folder of the same name on YouTube with one video. These are the ones I seem to go after/get recommend the most. I'll then find articles where a youngster has done something amazing and is so smart, like graduating college at 14 or building robots and learning languages or something like that.

I'm constantly being told that I'm so smart and I'm such a hard worker at my job (it's one day a week) and I should go to college and get some degree, and that I do such a good job at so many things, but it never feels like it's ever enough.

I feel like I can't ever live up to older adults expectations of a young person, even though I'm constantly being told that I do a good job. Now, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the compliments and I'm glad that I've met some expectations in their mind when they tell me so. I just always feel like I can improve with something.

I hate getting awards. I was given three during my time in high school, and while I appreciate it, I always felt like it could go to someone else. I have them collecting dust beside a shelf because I don't want them hung up. When I graduated, I felt like I wasn't supposed to. That there was no possible way that I was smart enough to graduate.

When I got grades in high school, I worried that they were just giving out A's to me like I've read/watched. I was always trying to do more, even if I ended up in tears because Google couldn't give me information that I wanted for a paper or I couldn't understand something that everyone else did.

I guess I keep telling myself that it's not enough so that when I actually am told that it's not enough and that I am stupid, it's no surprise to me and I can just accept it? I mean, I already do.

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of it all, leaning more toward the stupid/unwilling to work side. I never feel like enough even when I'm told I am.

I probably should stop reading all of this, but it feels wrong to do so. It's almost addicting to read.