Post-infusion, soul-crushing depression.

Borderline Stage IV non-small cell lung cancer. Began chemo three sessions ago (9 weeks), as well as began immunotherapy, and added another trial drug for a second one. Completed the cyberknife to remove two smaller but distinct masses in my right lung.

By the Grace of God, even though I take two very strong drugs, I’ve had almost no physical reactions — greater lethargy and upset stomach mainly. I know how lucky I am.

But like clockwork, the day after, the worst depression of my life hits me like a tornado. It falls from the sky and destroys me. Unstoppable crying jags, hopelessness, despair, anhedonia, no appetite — classic DSM stuff.

It is mercifully transient, and generally disappears again by day 3 or 4 afterwards, but it is the most painful 72-96 hours of my life.

Does this happen to anyone else, and how have you dealt with it? There’s no magic pill for a broken soul; no panacea for thoughts darker than the void.