I got stood up for a work hangout and now I feel like an idiot

I’m 27, started working at my job a few months ago. I actually love it, everyone there is really nice, it’s a dispensary. A whole bunch of us were gonna hang out today and smoke after work in a park sort of area, it was to celebrate another coworker who was leaving, I got to the spot and texted one of my coworkers who’s my manager, messaged another… waited 35 minutes and kept looking outside my car to try and see if I could recognize anyone walking by as one of my coworkers.

One of them looked familiar, but since everyone is out of their work clothes I had no clue. By 40 minutes I left and started crying. I felt so awkward the entire time waiting feeling like everyone walking by was staring at me and knew I was feeling so out of place. I went out of my comfort zone, driving somewhere that makes me anxious (basically where pedestrians are walking everywhere), haven’t hung out with anyone from work yet… all to get completely ignored. Then I started crying because I’m crying over being stood up at my grown age…

Two hours later they’re posting the pics of what they did, how they went on the water (which I didn’t even know we were gonna do!), etc… I felt so dumb for thinking they liked me. Now all I can think is if they were like “oh god, I hope OP doesn’t come” and ignored my texts or something. I know I’m being paranoid but it’s possible. Now, nearly FIVE hours later my manager texts me back saying they’re so sorry, their phone was dead, and tells me the spot they were at (which I was asking before like “hey, where’s everyone at?”). Idk what to believe. They (my manager) is so nice to me at work and knows I’m autistic and is understanding. When they need me they will call me asap and text me once or twice afterwards. Apparently I can’t expect the same from them…???

Idk. I’m just really hurt. I feel like I’m being over sensitive and paranoid and have no right to be. I nearly went to meltdown state until my partner came over and hung out with me, keeping the lights low and closing my eyes etc. now I have 10 hours until work tomorrow, still haven’t started chores or showering and such, and the cherry on top is that I’ll be opening with the same manager who blew me off today 😭. I already know I will be acting distant from them tomorrow, literally will be something I cannot control, when I feel hurt by someone I go mostly nonverbal and try not to let myself get swept up in their humor or conversations, basically just almost dissociate. I know it’s unhealthy. And I won’t be rude to them of course, just distant, because I trust people too easily, and when I begin to trust them i confuse with me thinking they like and trust me too.

Sorry for this long post. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, take care of yourselves ❤️