Behaviors in childhood because of COCSA

TW/COCSA: not described

Does anyone relate to some of the things I used to do if you were a victim of CSA or COCSA? I used to be very ashamed of a lot of this and only recently connected it to COCSA. All before the age of 12 unless stated otherwise:

-brother’s friend teaching me to have sex with villagers in Minecraft and subsequently me “having sex” in other games
-Mimicking porn moaning with my brother
-playing out sex acts with plushies (and feeling perverted) and toys, or forcing toys to have sex
-Fantasize about being raped
-reading A LOT of rape recovery fan fiction (in highschool)
-Baby voice past the age it was acceptable
-refusing to speak / acting like a cat / only meowing / hiding behind couch
-hate being touched / held down
-projecting attraction onto my brothers older friends
-Thinking I was attracted to my brother, saying I wanted to date him / he was my type / asking why can’t I date him
-Watching porn with peers
-watching rough porn or porn of older men
-feeling sick after masturbating
-masturbating while thinking about my assault
-Masturbating with my bike seat
-letting elementary school friend kiss me when I didn’t want him to
-going into the bathroom with my neighbor (peer) while she used it or I used it idk
-Kissing another boy in elementary school in secret
-nightmares about having sex with my brother
-intrusive thoughts about liking kids and family members
-bad memory, gaps in memory

The COCSA that I can remember didn’t happen with my brother and I’m a little worried about all the incest stuff like projecting feelings and nightmare.