My situation, help please

Last year , 06/30/25, i entered a relationship for the first time in nearly five years. She also had not been in a relationship for nearly twelve years. It was a big thing for us both. This relationship is a different breed. We never, ever fight. And we go everywhere like conjoined twins. Its been beautiful.

We both were heroin addicts, and quit together, and have been sober since 9/15/25. This is a cornerstone of our relationship.

On that date, we moved into a hotel room with her parents, to get out of homelessness. There are four of us in this small room. Keep this in mind.

April 2026, we were laying in bed, and she just started getting up saying she couldnt breathe. This kept escalating, until finally, she was completely phychotic. She had went into phychosis.

I didnt know, we didnt know what this was. It was so hard for me to do, but i put her in a phych ward. She came out about a week later and wasnt herself still, and went into another terrible phychotic episode shortly after. After a few days, she started coming around a tiny bit, still not herself tho, just not as delrious.

In the beginning, i thought "in a few days shell be herself again" and that didnt happen. I learned more about what happened to her, and learned that this healing process is a journey that can take six months to a year.

In these past couple months my entire world has fallen apart. Everyday i wake up and my lover is not herself. I have to take complete care of her. If i am not there to tell her which way to go, or what to do, she would be completely lost. I am grieving the loss of our relationship as it was. Because she doesnt understand yet what happened to her, and her current state, she has not been able to reciprocate my love back to me.

Theres four of us in this hotel room. And i feel so overprotective of her, at times even towords her own parents. Her mother gets all worked up saying things to her like "youre gonna make everyone that loves you go away" and she doesnt understand something even happened yet. But the fucked up part is im living in cycles where i do the same things. This is tje cycle

For a few days i take care of her, and put up with the circumstances real well. And then i start getting irritated, and short tempered. I start saying really mean and awful things to her, and if i dont physically remove myself i will end up saying the most vile things. And then after that part of the cycle, i crash into completely crying and feeling so sorry for how mean i was to this vulnerable girl.

I go through days where i want to just leave this entire situation and not look back.

What is keeping me here is the fact that i love this girl, and i believe she would do the same thing for me if roles were reversed.

But at the end of the day , i wake up crying, im a total wreck. The only thing keeping my head above water is the hard work i put in at the gym, and the little bit of writing i do.

Someone help me.