Endless Cycle

My mother can be extreme. It was not uncommon for her to threaten me when I refused to go along with what she wanted. “If I had a button, I would blow the world up with you in it.”

I slowly tried to break away from her and go no contact since 2012. I moved to an entirely different state to escape. I don’t reach out. Months will go by, then I will receive a text.

Context, my son is in his late 20s, a grown man. He has his own life and I don’t speak for him. Over the years, through his own interactions with his grandmother he has come become aware of her toxic traits.

Back story: I was married 22 years, divorced 5 years now. My mother leaned on me since I was a young child, through my 20s, 30s. I raised my baby brother after school while my mom worked nights from 7th grade through 12th. I rarely and did not like asking her for any help, because it felt like entering into a contract and would use it against me later. For just one summer, many years ago, she watched my son while he was off from school.

This is her latest installment to try and get her foot into the door:

Hello, ——- bday is coming up. Where will he be?

I did not respond.

Can you tell me, Why it is such a big secret, that I can't know where ——- is

My response: You misunderstand. It is not a secret. I don’t feel comfortable giving my address. You are unable to respect boundaries based on past experiences. He is here and he is fine. If you texted him, give him time to respond to your message.

Her response: Boundaries? Past experiences. You have a warped memory.
I worked nights to babysit him during the day, save you money, not having to pay daycare. Was there to watch him any time you and —— wanted a night out. You have some serious physiological (I think she meant psychological) issues. But that is very common in (your father’s) family.
Why would you keep ——- from communicating with me. or responding to a birthday greeting. I don't need to hear from you again. Take care I hope you can resolve your issues, and not make your issues his issues. Take care